Alone together: The paradox of loneliness in a hyper-connected world

You are probably familiar with ministers leading various departments in government. From finance and health, to justice and tourism. But have you ever heard of a minister of loneliness? Both the UK and Japan have appointed ministers of loneliness over the past few years. It seems the world is waking up to the presence of yet another global crisis: the alarming rise of disconnect and loneliness.

Loneliness is ‘the state of being alone when you would prefer the company of others’. Despite there being more people on Earth than ever before, the 21st century is regarded as the loneliest century humankind has ever experienced! The dystopian concept of rent-a-friend online agencies has become a reality in many cities around the world. For a fee, you can rent a companion by the hour to go shopping, mountain-biking or just share a coffee. Looking ahead, artificial intelligence and robo-companions may be the next big thing in the “loneliness industry”.

But how did we get here?

Like most things, the answer isn’t so simple and there are multiple factors at play.

• Increasingly, we seem to undervalue human connection and prioritise work and productivity. We boast about how busy our lives are and wear our busyness as a badge of honour. But that catch-up dinner with some university mates might be far more important than getting through your email backlog.

• We confuse connectivity with connection. Having a bunch of friends on social media or liking a post is not the same as spending quality time with someone in person. Looking at a screen does not have the same effect on connection as sharing a hug, making eye contact or giving someone a high-five. 

• Remote work has many fantastic benefits but may contribute to rising levels of loneliness. Working remotely allows us a great deal of freedom. But with that gain of freedom, we lose meaningful social contact and fun lunch breaks together. This has led to millions of people around the world operating in physical isolation every single day.

• Making meaningful connections is harder in an increasingly polarised society. Whether on political differences, belief systems, or the opinion of Tom Cruise movies, social media seems to inflate our differences on specific issues, forcing us to choose a camp. And with so many camps out there, it's hard to find people to relate to. Keyboard sparring with someone on Twitter can leave us feeling more bitter and lonely than ever.

• High levels of migration take a toll on relationships. Nobody seems to stay put anymore. It’s harder to keep strong relationships when your family and friends are living all over the globe. A client told me last week that he even avoids getting to know new people if he knows they are planning to emigrate. The investment just does not seem worth it.

For these reasons and others, the current crop of humans is the loneliest in recorded history. 

Should we be worried?

It is immensely important to realise that being lonely doesn’t just make you feel miserable, it also has a dramatic impact on the quality of your health and wellbeing. Prolonged isolation and loneliness are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes per day!

Studies among super-centenarians (people older than 110 years) find that one of the key ingredients to living to a ripe old age is spending time with friends every day. Specific areas of Italy and Japan have the highest concentration of long-lived people in the world and researchers found that an acute sense of belonging is one factor that keeps them healthy for longer.

A sense of belonging and connection is also one of the best predictors of employee engagement and loyalty in the work environment. In fact, there are clear business benefits to reducing loneliness. Gallup has found that having friendships at work is a predictor of many important business outcomes, including customer service and profit. Who knew that the quality of your social relationships could make you better at your job?

Let’s tackle loneliness, together

This weekend, or today, make the time to connect with someone. Rekindle a fading friendship by reaching out to someone you haven’t seen in a while. Plan a coffee date or, better yet, meet up for a run or walk in the local park. 

If you are lucky enough to have a family, spend some quality time with them in person. And if you are not, phone a friend or try to get out and connect with a social group that shares your values. It might surprise you to find many potential new friends craving social interaction, just like you. 

Don’t undervalue your feeling of belonging, and remember, if you want to have good friends, be a good friend first!